What made you stop being an addict?

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

And I DID IT EVERYDAY

This was February 2019.

Why cant I sleep even tho I am sleepy? I am not anxious or worried but my body just doesn't want to. I've been awake for almost 2 days and feel sleepy but I cant sleep. My doctor said its anxiety related but its not. Is this normal?

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

Now how do you quit your addiction?

Have you ever had a bad gut feeling about someone and it was right?

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

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I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

Can you show your wet and dripping pussy?

RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

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I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

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I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

Just keep trying

Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

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Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

So I'm still hanging on this lie.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

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But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

And I can also talk to them now.

Why would my husband cheat on me with an ugly fat woman?

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

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No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

Read that again ☝️

There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

I did it in my administrator's office.

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.